Those Damn Primitives
by Goodpie2
Summary: By the time humans contact the Turians, they have been in space for two hundred years, and are part of the Coalition of Sentient Races. When the Turians attack a science vessel for activating a Mass Relay, they discover that these "primitives" aren't so primitive. POSSIBLY BEING RESURRECTED.
1. Timeline and Codex of Species

Yes, it's yet another Mass Effect alternate history. Yes, it's going to focus on handing the Turians their asses for the first part. However, this one is a little different. I've spent a great deal of effort into coming up with completely new aliens, unlike anything anybody has ever thought of (except my dad, who helped me flesh them out). These aliens aren't just cranky humans, like Klingons, or blue psychic chicks, like Asari. Also, I've decided to get rid of the reapers, because I hate universe ending threats and races against time to save life as we know it and all that jazz. When you have Reapers, the entire story is about the Reapers, and there's no room to do anything else. As an added twist, the humans have some rather unique methods of travel.

I would like to thank Profartburger, author of Mass Effect: The First War, for getting me into the ME AU genre. I would like to thank my father for helping me create the Omicrons and the Thesi, and DavidWeber for getting me fascinated with the idea of a constitutional monarchy.

By the way, since I have no idea what kind of numbers I should use, I'm gonna use a lot less technobabble than most people seem to do when they write for ME. Get over it.

Lastly, due to the necessity of allowing Coalition technology and culture to advance, the ME timeline will be taking place much later.

This story is coauthored by my father. Because of the way we do it, each chapter will likely undergo a series of extensive rewrites. If there are any flaws, inconsistencies, or unclear points, _please point them out._

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The Coalition: The Coalition is a unified body involving most of the peoples (There are small independent groups of each species) of the the most advanced sentient races of Gould belt (a large section of the Orion arm of the Milky Way Galaxy - Roughly equivalent to the canon Earth Alliance space.)The Coalition's leadership consists of a council, led by two heads of each species (the human monarch and Prime Minister are both members, the Thesian Clan Council elects a pair of leaders every six years, the Omicrons and AIs elect the leaders directly, and nobody knows how the dolphins choose their leaders) and a parliament, which is made up of elected members. The parliament has two houses. In one, members are elected by other members of their species. In the other, members are elected by the citizens of whatever planet they are a citizen of. It's a complicated system, but one that works.

History

100,000 years ago, a race known only as the Predecessors discovered the cycle of the Reapers. Knowing it was too late to save themselves, they spent their remaining time leaving warnings of the Reapers where future races would find them. When the Protheans discovered these warnings, they bent all of their research and resources towards finding a way to defeat the Reapers. Before the cycle could begin, the Protheans activated the Citadel Mass Relay, but in reverse- they went to Dark Space and eliminated the Reapers using a massive artificial black hole. The surviving Prothean civilization suffered massively from the use of resources put into combating the Reaper threat. Their civilization collapsed into a massive civil war, and the race went extinct, leaving an empty galaxy, to be filled in a way similar to the canon story. Because of the chaos of the time, these events are generally unknown, though myths and legends of the past can be found, usually without any real foundation. For whatever reason, none of the warnings of the Predecessors have survived to modern times.

In 2043, humans discover a ruined Prothean base on Mars. It is largely destroyed, and contains little useful information. From the look of the base, it had been the victim of some sort of attack. Worried that they may become victims of the same enemy that had destroyed the Prothean base, humans panic and almost destroy themselves in a global war. From the ashes rise a single government, the Kingdom of Humanity. It values exploration of space, military preparedness and a near religious hope for friendly contact with aliens. A constitutional monarchy, the Kingdom of Humanity's political power is equally divided between elected officials and a hereditary aristocracy**.** Further exploration of the solar system reveals the ruins of the Charon Mass Relay, presumably destroyed in the same attack as the one on the Prothean base.

In 2049, the Kingdom of Humanity is formed.

In 2053, a sentient AI, created during the war, successfully sues for citizenship in of the Kingdom of Humanity. Future legal decisions establish means of identifying sentient AIs, and permit them to become citizens (after the formation of the Coalition, AIs are permitted to choose which race they are considered a citizen of. Though not, by law, a permanent choice, so far, no AI has ever chosen to change).

In 2054, complete unity is achieved.

In 2087, the first ever FTL capable ship is made. Unfortunately, it is not enough to travel between systems on a regular basis- the trip still takes a number of weeks. Despite the travel times, the KoH begins colonizing a nearby planet, naming it Terra Nova.

In 2099 FTL communication is invented, requiring equipment at both ends.

In 2108, Doctor WayneEricson develops the first successful teleportation gate. Based on prior FTL principles, it also requires equipment at both ends of the transit. Due to the physics involved, it is not possible to transport especially massive objects (such as spacecraft) in this manner.

Now that humanity is capable of moving people and supplies very quickly, the colonization effort begins in earnest, stretching to include Eden Prime, and eventually Shanxi. Still wary of alien invaders, the Kingdom of Man continues to build up its military. Occasional piracy and rebellions give them opportunities for experience. Aware of their inability to travel quickly from place to place, and fearing other races may have found a way around this theoretical impossibility, they also build large defense stations orbiting colonized planets.

In 2118, first contact is made with the Omicrons. An alliance is formed.

In 2123, first contact is made with the Thesi. They enter the alliance with the humans and Omicrons. Human interaction with Thesi is difficult at first and the Omicrons were very important in avoiding war and even possible xenocide. After they were accepted into the alliance, several human religion based rebellions had to be put down.

In 2204, the three races combine under a single banner, known as the Coalition of Sentient Races. Each species' government remains autonomous to some extent, but the differences between the species increase the value in joint efforts in colinization. The Planets colonized as joint efforts take on qualities very different than other planets, strengthening the coalition. They also prosper very quickly, supporting the new, unified, ideas. The strong philosophy of "Unity" brought to the Coalition by the KoH also leads to strong efforts supporting the integration of military forces.

In 2211, an Omicron science team studying Earth wildlife translates the language of the dolphins, making it clear that they are fully sentient. After much debate, reparations are made to dolphins for past wrongs, and the dolphins are invited to join the Coalition of Sentient Races. Many coastal cities begin building canals and underwater buildings so that dolphins can become fully integrated members of society. This tends to break down residual efforts by some parts of humanity to remain racist, and such sects, among any of the members, tend to be isolated and backward.

In 2214, the Artificial Republic is founded. The Artificial Republic governs all Artificial Intelligences, and all sentient AIs are citizens. Once the AR was founded, AIs were no longer citizens in other governments. The AR is a direct republic, and all decisions are made by all citizens.

In 2253, the Coalition decides to make stronger efforts to assist ancient adult Omicrons to other planets. This results in healthier, more stable juveniles. It has a side effect of pushing research in increasing the maximum mass transit of the teleportation gates. The Omicrons usually choose to live in large forests near the entrances to major cities, though some are willing to live in large city parks, especially if they have experienced the high esteem the Humans and Thesi tend to give them.*

In 2257, the Shanxi Mass Relay is discovered. Recognizing it as being the same kind of device as the ruined one in the SolSystem, the Coalition sends a science vessel, accompanied by three frigates and a cruiser.

By the year 2257, the Coalition of Sentient Races has over 40 colony worlds, with Terra Nova and Shanxi being the most populous Shanxi has nearly a billion citizens, including large forests of Omicrons planted outside of cities and in parks, and a small number of dolphins. The CSN (Coalition Space Navy) has twenty-three dreadnoughts, two superdreadnoughts, thirteen carriers, three supercarriers, and hundreds of destroyers, cruisers, and frigates.

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Codex

Humans: A bipedal, bigendered race, they are clever, resourceful, and kinda badass.

Dolphins: Little is known about the dolphins despite their decades as a Coalition race. They take very little seriously, and their culture seems to be almost entirely based on what is fun to do. Of course, studying their culture is extremely difficult. Anything they say can, and usually does, have several meanings, many of which are usually nonsensical and/or humorous. Humans and Thesi struggle with the fact that the Elders (ancient Omicrons) seem to understand them best, since, to these two groups, the Elders do not have any sense of humor.

Omicron: A race of sentient plants. First contact made in 2118. Omicrons have a three part life cycle. A seed is planted, and grows into a seedling. The seedling grows for three years. A seedling is treated much like a human fetus, and they are heavily guarded and protected by the adults and juveniles. It grows until it has reached the size of a small dog. Once the seedling is fully developed, its roots wither and die, and the seedling uproots itself. It is now a juvenile. The juvenile is not sentient, and is completely dependent on the adults for organization and direction. Effectively, the adults are their brains. The juveniles slowly increase in size and intelligence until they reach adulthood, at which point they are roughly the size of a human tank, and are fully sentient. Juveniles serve as workers and warriors. They have eight legs, the front two of which come to a fine point and are highly dextrous. They have two arms, with one large claw and one smaller one, for manipulation on a large scale and for the use of tools, as well as for combat. They also have tendrils around their faces, which are used for fine manipulation of items and tools. Juvenile Omicrons are dependent on their adults, they can only perform simple tasks. Upon reaching adulthood, the juveniles put down roots, and their trunks begin to grow out of their bodies. They combine minds with the Omicrons directly around them and, though they maintain their individuality and are separate beings, they seem to form an additional hive mind. The combination of minds allows for quick communication across large distances. The adults are thinkers and researchers. An adult Omicron can live for centuries, and can grow to enormous sizes.

Like many creatures on their planet, the omicrons have minor telepathy, which they can use to control the juveniles. This telepathy does not allow them to communicate with nontelepathic creatures, however, since they lack a way to receive the signal.

Due to their hive mind, Omicrons are highly democratic, and originally found the monarchy of the humans to be repulsive, and the clan council of the Thesi to be archaic, but have since learned to appreciate the differences in the cultures of the other Coalition races, even if they cannot understand them.

Thesus: A race of tri-gendered snake beings. First contact made in 2123.

Echidna- Echidna serve as clan leaders. They are all female, and are roughly human sized. They are highly intelligent and live for centuries. They are very similar to a queen bee in that they lay eggs and govern the clan. They have a fully developed face and roughly humanoid torso (although it does not appear to be female, and still has scales), with four arms with six fingers. The fingers on the lower two hands are clawed.

Warriors: The warriors are similar to echidna, but are sterile, and are actually a completely separate gender. Despite the name "warriors," they are no longer limited to being soldiers but may work in material industry, service industry, though they do comprise a large portion of the armed forces.

Males: The males look like small snakes with tiny hooked grooves on either side of their bodies, which allow them to grip onto objects when they coil around them. They are roughly three feet long, and about three inches around. While they are small, they are highly intelligent and fully sentient. Due to their lack of limbs, there is a sizable industry in the Coalition based on creating equipment which they can use, and they have a separate branch of the military, known as the Snake Corps.

All Thesi have a venemous bite, and the claws of the echidna and warriors are also venemous.

The government of the thesi is a clan council formed of the echidna from each clan. Since joining the Coalition of Sentient Races, the clan council is led by two echidna which the council elects to represent them in the Coalition council.

Despite their snakelike appearance, the Thesian language is actually very guttural, and there is no excessive hissing.

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*(A variety of xenosociological theories attempt to explain this phenomenon, which tends to amuse the "Elders". See "A walk in a Park – conversations with the oldest", "JoyceKilner, a prophetic poet", and dfkleee - No truly adequate translation outside of Thesi languages exists. Attempts have sometimes caused civil disturbances. The best translation of title is "a great climb")


	2. Meet the Turians

Despite the fact that I broke my promise to not do excessive research for this story, I was unable to find very many names for the veterans of the First Contact War, and I couldn't figure out who did what for the names I _could _find, so I'm making it up.

Because we've all read the story of the Relay 314 Incident a million times, I'm not going to write it in detail. I will, however, provide a summary of the events with the specifics and changes for this story.

A Coalition science vessel, accompanied by three frigates, a cruiser, and a dozen fighters, went to study the alien artifact located in the Shanxi system. During the investigation, one of the scientists accidentally activated the artifact. A turian patrol that had been in the area looking for a top secret prototype ship that had crash-landed, spotted this and opened fire on the science vessel, which was destroyed with all hands. The protection detail, led by Captain Anderson of the CSNS cruiser Fearless, retaliated. The turian Mass Accelerator rounds were largely ineffective against the armor of the Coalition Space Navy Ships, and the AIs in charge of the ships' point defense and Electronic Warfare systems were able to take down or distract most of the disruptor torpedoes. Despite the technological advantages of the CSN ships, the turian advantage in numbers allowed them to destroy all three of the frigates and severely damage the Fearless. The Fearless was forced to retreat. Turian forces studied the system and located Shanxi. Believing it to be the homeworld of their enemy forces, the turians withdrew to Palaven to inform their superiors. The Coalition fleet retrieved as much information as possible from the enemy databanks and withdrew as well. Over the next few days, the Coalition AIs managed to learn much of the information stored in the enemy computers, and form a rough translation program for Turian and Asari, and a less passable one for Salarian and Quarian.

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"Do you mind explaining exactly how you managed to lose a cruiser and five frigates in a simple police action against a race of primitives that doesn't even have kinetic barriers? Or even Element Zero, for that matter?" Primarch Fedorian asked.

Admiral Therus Kerussan sighed, and looked at his superior.

"It seems that they use some form of primitive magnetic acceleration for their weapons, rather than Mass Accelerators. The projectiles that their weapons fire are slow enough and large enough that our kinetic barriers don't stop them. Once they impact our ships, their projectiles are so massive that they simply tear right through them. As for their lack of kinetic barriers, it's irrelevant. Our Mass Accelerator slugs are designed to flatten and spread on impact in order to maximize the energy transfer. However, since the primitives lack shields, their ships are far more heavily armored than ours are. The slugs simply flatten themselves on the primitives' armor. The only weapon we have that does damage to them is disruptor torpedoes, and their point defense is extraordinarily effective, and for some reason, a great deal of our missiles miss entirely. We were only able to damage them by flooding them with torpedoes."

The Primarch thought about this for a few minutes, then nodded. "Very +well. These primitives are clearly dangerous. Any race foolish enough to activate a Mass Relay without knowing what's on the other side must be subjugated for the safety of the galaxy. You are to take the First and Third Fleets and subdue these creatures. Once they have been suitably cowed, we will make them into a client race."

"I understand," Admiral Kerussan responded.

"Good. You are dismissed." The Primarch said.

Kerussan saluted, then left the audience chamber to prepare for the invasion.

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Admiral Frank Cortez looked at the hologrid showing his forces and swore under his breath. He had one carrier, one dreadnought, fifteen cruisers, and forty frigates with which to protect one of the most populated colonies in Coalition space. Those _damn _politicians had decided that Earth, Terra Nova, and Eden Prime were higher priorities, and so had only left a picket defense at Shanxi. Now they might suffer for that decision.. The Coalition Council of Leaders had decided that the aliens were likely to launch an attack on Shanxi. Because of that, it was Cortez's job to defend the colony until reinforcements arrived. Unfortunately, the nearest fleet was three weeks travel away from Shanxi, which meant that Cortez was on his own.

"Contact!" yelled the sensors officer of the CSNS Indestructible, Cortez's flagship (a dreadnought). "Alien ships have appeared at the artifact! A hundred ships and counting!"

Cortez watched as ship after ship poured into the system.

_This,_he thought, _is not good._

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"Enemy sighted, sir." Phinintus Lithius, Admiral Kerussan's tactical officer, said. "I'm counting forty cruisers, fifteen ships larger than those, and... my god... one ship four kilometers long, and one ship about three kilometers long. The smaller one appears to be a support ship, by its position."

"What kind of species builds a support ship three kilometers long?" the com officer asked.

"I don't know," the admiral responded, "but they clearly put all of their resources into making them, because they don't have much else. The larger ship is to be designated Bogey one, and the smaller ship is Bogey Two. Bogey one will be our first target. It's clearly the primitives' most important and most powerful ship. I want all four of our dreadnoughts and their screens to focus on taking that ship out as quickly as possible. Other ships are to engage at will, but to maintain formation. Once we've taken out bogey one, they shouldn't be able to put up much of a fight."

Kerussan waited as his ships continued to enter the system, when suddenly...

"Sir, they're hailing us," called the com officer.

"Put them on the main display. Let's find out what these primitives look like."

"Onscreen," said the com officer, turning on the main display.

An pink alien, bearing a striking resemblance to what the admiral imagined a male asari would look like if it had fur on its chin, appeared on the screen.

"Unknown fleet," the alien said, and Admiral Kerussan was surprised to hear that it was speaking in passable Turian, "this is Admiral Frank Cortez of the Coalition Space Navy. You are violating Coalition space, and have already attacked an unarmed research vessel and several military ships. This alone is enough to be considered an act of war. However, if you power down your weapons now, we are willing to negotiate peace."

"Admiral Cortez, your ships were found breaking Council law, and their destructions were a necessary legal recourse. However, since your race is clearly new to space, and unfamiliar with Council regulations, we will give you a chance to offer your unconditional surrender, and allow you to become a client race of the turian Hierarchy. If you do not surrender, your ships will be destroyed and we will begin occupation of your world."

For a moment, the alien didn't respond, and then he scowled and, with five words, the war officially began.

"Nuts." In the background, Kerussan could hear one of the aliens burst into laughter.

"I'm sorry, my translator seems to have malfunctioned. I heard 'nuts.'" Kerussan said. "Is that a negative, or a positive?"

"Nuts is _strictly _negative," answered the alien. In the background, the laughter intensified, and the screen went blank.

Kerussan stared in shock. He couldn't believe it! The primitive couldn't possibly think that his tiny little fleet could win, and yet he'd refused to surrender!

"Sir! Enemy ships have opened fire! Bogey two is deploying thousands of fighters!"

"Activate the GARDIAN systems," said Kerussan lazily. _This is going to be even easier than we expected,_the admiral thought to himself. _What kind of an idiot devotes that many resources to building _fighters _of all things? T__he GARDIANs will tear straight through them, and since the fighters seem to make up half their fleet's firepower, the primitives will be helpless after that._

Then something happened that made Kerussan blink. Each fighter fired three missiles, all at the exact same time.

"Sir," asked Ephan Vakarian, his navigations officer, "how can ships that small fire three missiles at once?"

"They can't. I don't know. It's impossible," stammered the turian admiral.

A few seconds later, he was snapped back into his senses as several frigates and cruisers abruptly exploded.

"Open fire!" He said. "As I said, focus on Bogey one. Activate the GARDIAN systems, and all ships are to release fighters. Fighters are to remain within support range of the GARDIAN systems and engage enemy fighters."

His men obeyed, and after a few moments the hangar doors on each ship opened to reveal a total of 450 fighters and interceptors. The fighters flew from the hangars to form a protective screen around the larger, more important ships, with the interceptors scattered in front of them.

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Cortez watched in amazement as a handful of fighters came out of the enemy ships and spread themselves out in front of the bigger ships. Was that really all they carried? In a fleet this size, they should have had at least a few thousand. Unless... was it possible that they'd never thought to use fighters on a large scale? That certainly seemed to be the case. Whatever the reason, it provided his navy with a major advantage- one that he didn't intend to waste.

"Roger," he asked, "have you managed to hack their communications yet?"

"Yes sir," responded Roger, the ship's AI. "I've also managed to figure out their command structure. This," a specific ship on the hologrid, towards the middle of the enormous fleet, highlighted in red, "is their commander's flagship. These," a large group of ships highlighted in blue, " are other important ships in their command structure."

"Good. Designate the flagship Enemy One, and have fighter squadrons one through ten work on taking out that ship and its screen. Cruiser Squadron One is to help them. The rest of the fleet is to focus on the command structure and their screens."

"Yes sir, transmitting orders now," answered the AI.

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Kerussan swore as yet another group of fighters descended on his ship. How the _hell_ had the primitives managed to figure out his command structure? It shouldn't have been possible!

But clearly they had, because the primitives were focusing on _his_ ship and the other ships carrying high ranking officers, completely ignoring everything else.

"Sir, the engine's down! That last fighter run has us crippled. We're sitting ducks, now," said Lithius.

The fighters were another issue. The whole situation was very confusing. There were fighters _everywhere. _Far more than it was physically possible for the enemy ships to have launched. Sometimes, they would shoot down one of the fighters, and it would be as if nothing had been there at all. Other times, a fighter would fly straight into their ships, and nothing would happen.

The worst, though, the absolute _worst,_ was whenever they started to take out a ship. As soon as it was obvious that an enemy ship was going to die, it would turn on its engines and ram the nearest turian ship, finishing with a nuclear blast. That had been terrifying, at first- the idea that these people were so committed to a losing battle that they would commit suicide in order to harm their enemy rather than surrender was unbelievable.

Kerussan sighed. _This was supposed to be _simple, _dammit!_He thought to himself. _We come in, we show our fleet, they put up a token defense, and they surrender once it becomes clear that they can't win. Instead, they're actually putting up a fight! They still won't win, and they know it, but they're inflicting far more damage than they should._

On some level, he respected the primitives for not giving up their world without a fight. Mostly, however, he just found them to be an annoying, upstart little race that didn't know when it was going to lose.

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It took hours, but eventually the primitives _did _lose. Admiral Kerussan even managed to survive and save nearly half of his command structure by putting the most important ships inside large clusters of cruisers and frigates (the fighters and interceptors all died within minutes, so he couldn't use them.) Overall, the casualties hadn't been too high- there just hadn't been enough "Coalition" ships, but the ships they _had_destroyed had all been carrying their most skilled and experienced commanders. Kerussan still didn't know how they'd managed to find out which ships to destroy, but CIC's estimation was that the primitives had somehow found a way to hack the turian communications. Now he could _finally _deploy the shuttles with the army and marines, and then the fight would be in General Desolas' hands.

"Sir? We're detecting a large number of defense satellites around the planet," Vakarian said. "CIC's estimate is that if we try to land the shuttles without taking out at least a third of the satellites, the landing force will suffer at least seventy percent casualties."

"Spirits damn it!" Kerussan finally lost his temper. Couldn't these primitives just _die already?_"Fine," he growled. "Move to engage the satellites. Attack from maximum effective range."

"Yes sir. Moving to engage."

It took another hour, and a quarter of his remaining force, but Kerussan's fleet eventually tore a big enough hole in the satellite net that the ground forces could safely land.

"General Desolas," he said, once he'd opened the com. "You are clear to launch your forces. Show these primitives what happens when they pick a fight with the turian Hierarchy."

"Yes sir," the general grinned. "Launching shuttles."

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Interestingly enough, Desolas wasn't the only general who grinned at this command. General Williams of the Coalition Army was listening in to the enemy communications, and he was looking forward to kicking some alien ass. Yes, the turians had managed to destroy the defense fleet, but that had been expected from the moment they saw the size of the enemy fleet, and the loss of life had been low, thanks to the teleportation gates found in each ship. The land battle, however, was expected to go completely differently.

Thanks to the Coalition's teleportation fields, the civilians had all been evacuated as soon as it had been announced that the turians were likely to attack Shanxi, and the remaining time had been spent reinforcing the army and preparing for the attack. Military bases were fortified to hell and back, and cities had been turned into veritable death traps. There were barriers at every corner, mines throughout the roads, waiting to be armed by a signal from HQ, snipers in every building, explosives in every car. And that was if the turians even managed to _enter _the cities and military bases. Most cities and _all _military bases had large forests of omicrons around them, and that was possibly the deadliest trap yet. As many omicrons as could be equipped had an octuple -barreled shotgun, with a tiny juvenile who had been trained to aim and load it, or an antipersonnel turret mounted on its back. Male Thesi, mostly members of the Snake Corps*, but also volunteers who had just wanted to fight the enemy, were hiding in the omicrons' branches and in tunnel networks**, ready to attack the turians from above and below (they could only pray that thesus poison was as deadly to turians as it was to nearly every other living thing). Guerilla units of warrior thesi and humans were deployed, and teams of omibadgers*** had been placed in burrows near the edge of the forest.

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Makgureth Oktur grinned and hefted her shotguns as she (technically, she wasn't a she- as a warrior thesus, she was a member of a separate gender, but the English language doesn't have a pronoun for that) watched the turians pour out of the smoking dropship. It was the first one in her area to get past the anti-air turrets and missiles, which meant that she was finally going to get a fight.

As soon as the shuttle had landed, her platoon had been deployed to the edge of the omicron forest to harass the turian troops. She looked at her warriors, and nodded to Hank, the squad's sniper, who was perched on the back of an enormous juvenile omicron some ways away. Hank had spent the past ten minutes watching the turians to figure out which ones were the commanders, and he had his targets all picked out. As soon Hank caught her nod, he began eliminating those targets.

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Lieutenant Octus Korel jumped as the captain's head exploded in the middle of his sentence.

"Sniper! Get down!" someone yelled, and Octus dove for cover as another officer fell. He found himself and three other turians behind a pile of crates, and listened to the sound of gunfire, trying to figure out what to do. The soldier to his left peered around the corner and opened fire for a few seconds before pulling back into shelter.

"I spotted him, sir," the soldier said. "He's sitting on top of one of those weird trees at the edge of the forest, in that general direction," he pointed.

Before Octus could respond, a small, green egg bounced over the crates they were hiding behind. Realizing it was probably a grenade, Octus scooped it up and threw it back over the crate in the direction the soldier had been pointing. There was some yelling, and the shooting stopped for a moment, and then there was a large explosion. Grabbing his assault rifle, Octus stood up and opened fire.

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Makgureth swore as she saw her grenade head back towards them.

"Get down!" She yelled to her squad, taking cover behind the trunk of an adult omicron before the grenade exploded.

"Did anybody get hurt?" she asked the omicron, knowing that his link to the other trees would give him an accurate status report.

"I'm afraid," said his slow, deep, synthetic voice (omicrons couldn't speak naturally, and so relied on electronics to communicate with other species), "that Private Jensen has joined the soil."

Makgureth swore again, and then a third time as she heard enemy fire begin in earnest. Her platoon wasn't meant for sustained combat, they were a harassment team, meant to strike fast and withdraw before the enemy could get their bearings.

"Okay, people, time to fall back," she said into her helmet com. Then, to the omicron, "Give 'em hell, buddy."

"We fully intend to," the tree said, waving it's smaller claw in farewell as she slithered away, followed by the humans, warrior thesi, and juvenile omicrons in her platoon.

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The omicron waited, still as only a tree can be (although Samen, the adult in charge of this group of omicrons, did have to stop some of the more eager juveniles from moving their claws), as the turians entered the forest. Then, at a signal from one of the adults, it let loose with all eight barrels of its shotgun and lashed out with its claws. Its bigger claw grabbed onto a pair of turians and quickly cut them in half, while its smaller one cut through the neck of a third. At the same instant, every other omicron in the forest attacked as well.

"Attack!" the adult bellowed in its deep, synthetic voice. As soon as they heard the command, dozens of thesi jumped from branches and limbs onto the turians, and dozens more came out of the tunnels they had been hiding in. Thesi climbed up the bodies of the turians, coiling around their unprotected necks (can anybody explain why the hell they don't wear helmets?) and slitting their throats with the sharp hooks lining their bodies, or simply biting them and injecting their deadly venom. Omicrons lashed out with their claws, cutting Turians in half, or picking them up and using them as weapons. Whenever an omicron could get a shot without risking harm to a thesus, he would let loose with one or more of the barrels of his shotgun, and a turian would fall.

The turians fought valiantly, but their weapons couldn't harm the tree-like omicrons, and they couldn't shoot the thesi climbing all over them for fear of hitting an ally.

Eventually, these strange new enemies, combined with their inability to effectively combat them, were too much for them to handle, and for the first time in centuries, the turians broke ranks and _ran. _They ran as fast as they could towards their shuttle. As the edge of the forest came in sight, omicrons sent the signal to the omibadgers to attack. The vicious creatures burst from their burrows, and tore into the turian ranks, body armor deflecting bullets, and claws eviscerating their enemies. All over the planet, omicrons cheered as their brethren harassed the turians all the way to the edge of the forest, while the slow moving thesi fell back into their positions to await the next attack.

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*The Snake Corps is a specialized military unit composed of male thesi. The Snake Corps soldiers are equiped with metal sheaths on their fangs (although they lack a tip so that venom can still be injected), and the hooks on the sides of the thesi's body are coated in metal, strengthening and sharpening them. In addition, many Snake Corps members have light armor on their backs. It's not enough to protect them from a gunshot, but it does a decent job of keeping enemy melee weapons from harming them.

**The thesi and omicrons quickly formed a close bond, and many thesi live in apartment complexes located underneath the omicron forests. These complexes are divided into two sections- one section with large rooms for warriors and echidna (and any human who chooses to live there), and another, smaller section for the males. The latter section also has many tunnels to the surface, allowing the males to visit their arboreal friends without having to go through the main entrance to the complex.

***Omibadgers are creatures native to the omicrons' homeworld. Since the omibadgers posses slight telepathic powers, the omicrons are able to exert some level of control over them through a psychic link. The two species have a symbiotic relationship the omibadgers build burrows under adult omicrons, and the omibadgers help protect the omicrons' seedlings and younger juveniles. Since they are just as vicious as the Earth creatures they resemble, trained omibadger teams are often part of the military, similar to K9 units.


	3. The Defense of Shanxi

So, after a few months of promising myself I'd get around to converting this to an original novel, I finally decided to face the reality of the fact that it ain't gonna happen. Because of this, I decided to revive this story. So here, after much waiting, is chapter two. My apologies to everybody for the wait, but don't get your hopes up for another chapter soon- this fic is the lowest on my priorities list.

Before we begin I'd like to say a few things. Firstly, the codex has been altered to include the Artificial Republic, the AI nation. My original idea just didn't work. Secondly, I'm not sure I was able to properly describe the omicrons. Juveniles look kinda like crabs. When they put down roots, their body grows upward from the center, until they look more like trees. Really small adults still have a discernable crabbish part, and can live in mobile environments (in their most basic form, they're big planters with wheels, though more advanced ones have anti-grav systems). These environments are steered by a tiny juvenile, who is given directions by the adult in the pot. Lastly, when I was looking at the preview of the codex, I noticed that the wierd symbols in the footnote at the bottom had been translated. Where it says "jkeeee," that's supposed to be a bunch of random non-English symbols. The idea is that it can't be translated. I'm leaving that footnote out of respect for my dad, who thought it was hilarious, but I thought an explanation was in order. Thirdly, I have changed the title back to "Those Damn Primitives," even though my dad finds it offensive, because it just doesn't work otherwise.

Also, sorry for taking so frikkin' long to write this.

I would also like to remind you that I don't know shit about the military or tactics, so this will be hideously unrealistic. Deal with it. I'm writing this for the fun of it.

Now for Q&amp;A. I will do this at the beginning of every chapter. I'm going to post the question that was asked as well as answer it, because I hate when authors only post the answer, and then I'm curious about what the question was, and I have to read ten million reviews to find the question.

**Cellester **asked:

Are you not putting a space between peoples first and last name on purpose? Whats the range of the teleportation gates? Planet to planet? System to system?

1)That was really wierd. My computer did that on its own. I've fixed it. 2) From gate A to any other gate, wherever that might be.

If the Charon relay was destroyed wouldn't the system have been destroyed as well like what happened to the Bahak system in Mass Effect 2? Maybe it was just damaged to the point of being nonfunctional?

I haven't actually played ME2, so I was unaware of the fact that that happened. And I suppose that it was just damaged, since my idea was that it was still in one piece, but nonfunctional.

**Bouncyjellies** was wondering why I used a kingdom instead of an empire. It's a kingdom because it uses a constitution I made up a while ago in an attempt to come up with an ideal government.

EVERYBODY was wondering about the dolphins. Basically, the dolphins were a joke that got out of hand. They will have very little impact on the story.

**For Normal People **(ie, those without eidetic memories)**: **The Coalition of Sentient Races is a government comprised of four races- omicrons, a species of sentient plants; thessi, a species of trigendered snake-like people; artificial intelligences; and humans. **Yes, the use of semicolons there was grammatically correct. I checked. **The turians discovered a Coalition task force messing with a Mass Relay, and, being morons, attacked the task force in question. The surviving turian force located the only inhabitable planet in the system, and since the Coalition ships don't use eezo, figured that this was the "primitives'" home planet. They sent in a pacification fleet, which defeated the Coalition's defense fleet. The turians then set down an occupation force, which was soundly defeated in the omicron forest, causing turian troops to break for the first time in centuries.

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General Desolas stared at the report in front of him. His men had _run away _from the enemy? _Turian soldiers _had broken ranks and fled? And it hadn't just been an isolated incident, either. Three entire companies, and nearly a dozen platoons, had broken ranks. The remainder of his forces, while maintaining formation, had still retreated hastily from the forests they had been entering. Clearly, whatever was in these forests was deadly and terrifying. And Desolas was unsure exactly what _was _in the forests. He had reports of giant crab-like creatures with devastating weapons mounted on their backs, of armored snakes that came out of holes in the ground and wrapped around his soldiers' necks, of creatures that appeared to be half snake, of armored creatures the size of a small varren with vicious claws, and of the pink asari-like creatures that had contacted Admiral Kerussan before the invasion had begun (presumably- they had all been armored, so it was slightly difficult to discern what they looked like, but the body shape was the same). The sheer variety of creatures was astonishing. Judging by the fact that they used weapons, the giant crabs, the half snakes, and the pink asari all seemed to be intelligent, which didn't make sense. It was unheard of for a single planet to develop more than one sentient race, but these creatures didn't have eezo, so they were clearly new to space travel. Weren't they?

At any rate, none of that mattered. What did matter was that the enemy clearly held a major tactical advantage in these forests. He would be a fool to think that sending his men into them a second time would work when it had been so disastrous the first time. Which meant that he would have to clear them out.

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Samen sat quietly, waiting for the aliens to attack again. There wasn't much for a tree to do in a fight, but they were important for reconaissance. The trees kept watch on enemy movements and reported them to HQ. So far, there hadn't been much to report since the aliens had retreated. They were just... sitting there. A few minutes ago, however, they'd started moving, not towards the forest, but away from it. From what other omicrons had told it, this was going on all over the world, too. Samen was wondering what they were doing, when it recieved a signal from HQ.

"Attention: The enemy has begun orbital bombardment. CIC judges the projectiles to be aimed towards the omicron forests. All personel located in the forests are to withdraw and seek shelter."

Had Samen been capable of movement, it would have frozen at that announcement. Orbital bombardments? On forests? That could only mean the aliens were using herbicides or chemical agents.

Samen's mind reeled. Surely these aliens werent such monsters as to use _herbicides?_ It had been against Coalition law since the formation of the government. The omicrons themselves hadn't banned the use of herbicides until meeting other races, but that was solely because the idea was completely alien to them. They'd never even thought of the idea. When they'd contacted humans, and learned of the existence of such chemicals, the omicrons had been horrified. In fact, a fair-sized minority had wanted to declare war on the humans. Most of the population had been more moderate, but they had still been horrified by the concept, and had insisted that all herbicides be outlawed if the Omicron Republic was to join an alliance with the humans (and later, the thessi). Many humans and thesi had objected to this, especially farmers, but the movement had eventually been pushed through, and in the two hundred years since then, the idea of herbicides had become generally reviled by all sentients. The use of herbicides was highly illegal, and using it on an intelligent plant like an omicron (which were, in fact, the only known intelligent plant) was considered a crime against sentience (which was similar in concept to a crime against humanity, but since humanity was no longer the only group involved, it needed a new name).

Samen asked its brethren of their opinions. Some scoffed at the idea that any creature would perform such an action. Others were worried that Samen may be right. All were horrified by the possibility.

Unfortunately for the omicrons, the turians hadn't encountered sentient plant life before, and herbicides were merely a convenient way of clearing out vegetation. The Coalition forces did their best to shoot down as many of the pods as possible, but there were simply too many of them. Every now and then a pod would pierce the anti-air defenses, and when they hit the ground, the true horror began. The pods opened up to reveal large machines that began pumping gasses into the nearby air. Any plant that was touched by this gas withered and died. The specialized herbicide not only killed plants, but destroyed them entirely. Small plants died instantly, but omicrons took much longer. A young adult took as little as five minutes, but the ancients and elders could take hours to die, in excruciating pain the entire time. Within a few hours, every major omicron forest on Shanxi was dying.

To make matters worse, as the adult omicrons died, they lost control over the juveniles. There were enough adults in parks to prevent complete disaster, but there weren't enough to control all of them. Most of the time, the juveniles just went catatonic, and simply stood there. Others, especially the older and more intelligent (and therefor larger) ones, went beserk.

One of these omicrons happened to be in Lieutenant Makgureth Oktur's platoon. One moment, things were fine. Her soldiers were sitting in their defensive positions, waiting to be deployed and discussing the aliens' use of herbicide (what kind of monsters were these creatures?). Then, suddenly, she'd heard yelling. She turned around to find that O-7, one of the juveniles in her platoon (omicrons didn't have names until they put down roots and became sentient, at which time they chose a name for themselves. This was an ancient part of omicron culture, and it was considered rude to give a juvenile a name), had picked up a nearby supply vehicle and thrown it against a building.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Karly Warren, the corporal she'd been talking to.

"The omicrons. We must have lost too many adults to mantain control over all of our juveniles." Makgureth responded.

She stared in amazement as it grabbed a soldier in each pincer and began using them as clubs to beat down others. Soldiers opened fire on their comrade-turned-enemy, but conventional bullets didn't even phase the tank-sized monster, and the platoon, as a hit-and-run group, only had a few plasma weapons, and no heavy guns at all. The beast smashed crates of equipment and threw them at groups of men, grabbed soldiers and sliced them in half with its claws, and beat them to death, eerily silent the entire time.

"Shit!" Makgureth exclaimed as O-7 began running in her direction. Suddenly, a pair of grenades rolled underneath the rampaging omicron. All eight of the creature's legs were blown off by the following explosion. It fell to the ground, claws still lashing out, but as long as nobody got near it, it was safe. Sap oozed from the spots where O-7's legs had been blasted off, and it slowly stopped moving its claws. Makgureth knew the threat wasn't gone- as soon as it could reach somebody, it would likely go into a frenzy again- but it was safe enough for now.

Makgureth looked around her at the carnage that was the result of the beserk omicron and scowled. Over a third of her platoon had been killed during the rampage. Fifteen good men, women, and warriors, many of whom she had been friends with. All because these bastard aliens had decided to murder entire forests of omicrons.

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General Williams looked at the screen in front of him in despair. Thousands of omicrons had died horribly from the herbicides, including nearly a dozen Elders, the most revered members of omicron society, and hundreds of seedlings. In the beserk attacks by uncontrolled omicrons that had followed, over two hundred personnel had been killed. All because these bastard aliens had decided that they wanted this planet. Williams looked at what remained of the forests, and swore to himself, then and there, that he whatever turian had signed the order to use herbicides, he would be tried for war crimes, and then be executed for them. And no matter what, this day would never, ever be forgotten. The turians would pay for what they had done here today on Shanxi. The Coalition would see the turian worlds burn for this. The people would accept nothing less.

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Soon after the gasses started spreading throughout the forests, the turian forces began to mobilize. As soon as the herbicide had cleared, they got in formation and began marching. Lieutenant Korel's platoon fell into formation with the rest of the battallion. He was much less nervous than he had been earlier. With the forests gone, the enemy forces had nowhere to hide, so they couldn't enact the ambushes that had been so devastating before. The turians would be able to get to the cities and begin the attack. And once the occupation forces were in the cities, they would have a much stronger position. City fighting was what turian soldiers were best at. They had trained for it, and their tactics had been honed to perfection over a period of centuries. The aliens wouldn't be able to practice those blasted guerilla techniques that had been so devastating before.

The batallion began marching towards the city, avoiding the single road that led into the city in case of mines or ambush. After about a half an hour of travelling through the devastated forest, the city limits came into sight. Large buildings were on either side of the road, and the road itself had a heavily fortified barricade. Behind the barricade, Korel could see two tanks and several large mecha, as well as a variety of different aliens.

As soon as the barricade came into view, and before the turians could react, there was a high pitched whine, and a beam of red light* erupted from each of the tanks. The lasers sliced through several turians each before the whining died down and the beam disappeared.

"Take cover!" Korel ordered, diving behind the remains of a tree as the mecha opened fire with machine guns and rocket launchers.

_These aliens have _energy weapons? thought Korel._ We were told they were _primitive!

The point was driven home when a green glowing ball** hit a soldier who had yet to reach cover. Korel watched in horror as the soldier's chest was incinerated.

"Spirits!" exclaimed a soldier next to Korel. "What the hell was that?"

"I... I don't know," Korel responded, "I've never heard of a weapon like that."

"I thought these bastards were supposed to be a bunch of backwater primitives!" the soldier said. "What are they doing with weapons that can incinerate us?"

Korel didn't respond. He was beginning to get the feeling that General Arterius had been gravely mistaken in his assumption that the aliens were less advanced than the turians were.

Unfortunately, that didn't matter. What _did _matter was getting past this barricade.

"Have met heavy defenses." Korel said into his omnitool. "Requesting air support at," he read out his coordinates.

"Air support already incoming," responded the coordinator. "ETA ten minutes."

Korel sighed in relief. Somebody higher up must have spotted the barricade before he did and called in the air raid.

Ten minutes later, two gunships soared overhead, cannons firing as they let their missiles go. One of the missiles was shot down, the other three hit their targets. The tanks exploded as the rockets detonated, and several of the mecha were shot down by the gunship's cannons. The surviving mecha focused their fire, successfully bringing down one of the gunships, but their job was done, and the Turians opened fire on the surviving aliens as they surged forward. Mecha fell as the Makos and heavy infantry opened fire, and aliens and snake-people were mowed down by the fire from the light infantry. The aliens returned fire, inflicting heavy casualties. Green balls of light shot from the mecha and from what appeared to be heavy infantry, while bullets too large and too slow to be stopped by a kinetic barrier tore into turian armor. Eventually, though, the aliens were forced into a retreat, and they scampered backwards, some dragging wounded comerades with them, disappearing into the city.

Ten minutes later, the turian battalion was passing through the barricade when the barriers on either side of them exploded. Bits of concrete and steel flew into the turian forces, killing and injuring soldiers. Soldiers yelled as they dove for cover, screamed as their bodies were ripped apart by flying shrapnel, or swore as they saw the attack, depending on how close they had been to the barriers.

For the next hour, the turians moved into the city carefully, but they met few aliens. What they did find were traps. Every corner was barricaded, and the Makos were quickly moved to the front of the formation to shoot down the barricades so that the footsoldiers could walk past their remains in safety. This led to the second problem- scattered across the road, hidden under debris such as newspapers (which apparently these primitives still used), bits of cardboard, or articles of clothing were anti-tank mines. As a precaution, a special force was put in front of the makos to check each and every piece of debris. Not only did this slow the battalion down considerably due to the amount of debris, (apparently the aliens had evacuated the city in something of a panic. Either that, or _all _of the debris was there for the sole purpose of making it hard to tell where the mines were.) but it was also an extremely deadly job. Much of the debris held, not anti-tank mines, but devices which, when approached, would jump into the air and explode, sending shrapnel flying in all directions at waist-height. These mines were somehow created with virtually no metal or advanced material, making it virtually impossible to detect the damned things. Eventually, it was discovered that by rolling a Mako tire down the street, it would activate any proximaty based mines, thus enabling the soldiers to search for anti-tank mines in the wreckage. Fortunately, the shrapnel from the "hoppers," as the soldiers had taken to calling them, went straight over the tires, so this tactic didn't wear on their repair supplies too heavily.

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"Clever bastards," General Williams muttered as he watched the turians advance through the traffic cameras which were at every street corner. The turians were a little under a milexxx past the city limits now, and were moving more quickly now that they'd made it past the minefields. He had hoped it would take them a little longer to figure out a way past them so as to give his men more prep time, _but if wishes were fishes, then nobody'd starve, _the general thought as he ordered the next wave of resistance against the invaders.

*While humans had successfully developed energy weapons by the mid 21st century, the power requirements meant that they could only be equipped on artillery- they could not be used as standard firearms. Also, until recently, they could not be equipped on naval vessels, as the power requirements for a shipboard energy weapon were truly enormous. It was only within the past decade that it became possible to mount energy weapons on ships, and even then they could only be equipped on dreadnoughts and superdreadnoughts. By the time of the Battle of Shanxi, only seven dreadnoughts had energy weapons, as did both of the superdreadnoughts in service.

**Plasma weapons are generally used by heavy infantry and mecha, and are not equipped on naval ships at all due to the difficulty of generating sufficient ammunition.

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Wow. This chapter was a bitch to write. I know just enough about tactics to know what they WOULDN'T do, and not enough to know what they WOULD. It made things extremely difficult. On the other hand, it was _extremely _fun to plan defenses for a city with unlimited resources and manpower (yay teleportation!) and several days to prepare.

Also, go check out the Big Box 'O' Ideas for stories I'd like to see written. And vote on the poll in my profile for The Gamechangers.


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